how to become an it girl fashion blogger while saving the environment

This post is for you if you:

• Spend innumerable sleepless nights agonizing over your to-do lists for the morning that's brimming with pesky chores like filing a trademark application for your two week old blog, finding film for your digital camera, calling in vacation days to your job as a hostess so you can align your schedule with your boyfriend's who takes your photos, and exchanging these pants...not because they are utterly ridiculous but because you clearly wanted a size 8, not a size 4, because you are above shopping in your size; you want to prove it doesn't take a feminist to appreciate "man repelling"
• Have yet to figure out just what it takes to travel the world on someone else's dime where savoring free Mediterranean meals, attending notorious fashion events, and sleeping in world class hotels is just beyond your reach, but you are willing to do whatever and whomever it takes to forever be on vacation
• Yearn for the day when clothing simply materializes at your door step, as if from an evolved baby stork, all because you had the courage, tenacity, wits, and physical perfection to start a fashion blog where you showcase never before gawked at OOTDs from never before heard of designers that are creating unprecedented new fashions, the likes of which, the previous 2000 years have never seen
• Are completely and utterly willing to forgo your roots (heritage, hair, or otherwise) and shed your current social class in order to impersonate a refined, worldly, alluring being that exudes excess all in the name of pleasure and "once-in-a-lifetime-experiences" while keeping a revered publicist on hand for the inevitable character assassinations that will come your way
• Also prepared to bleach your skin if you're a woman of color, tan your skin if you're too fair a caucasian, lose some weight if your not a designer's ideal size 2, or gain some weight for the perfect new curvy fashionista niche blog

If any of the aforementioned realities resonate with you, then welcome! This is your quintessential guide to cultivating style like an IT GIRL, turning that style into an award-winning journalistic forum, and acting as a role model to legions of impressionable fans, all while saving the environment. We'll call this guide FITYMITFIA which stands for Fake It Till You Make It Then Fake It Again. Or as some will see as a fatal sexually transmitted disease. I apologize in advance to my dyslexic friends. 

With my new scientifically proven FITYMITFIA guide, becoming an iconic landmark in digital history is easier than you think. I've tested and revised this method for the last three years and have seen it do wonders, so much so, that I will finally be revealing it in action on my own blog. Now don't be intimidated. Just because I am a veteran of the fashion publishing industry does not mean I would insult your busy schedule as a dropout cum hostess to devise a time-consuming, technically confusing piece of rubbish. Nor would I insult your intelligence by not offering the most thorough and effective guide ever created. Not only are there over a handful of words that make up the entire fashion blogger vocabulary, but its completely customizable. After returning home from a grueling three hour shift at your job or internship, simply fill in the guide below with your choice from the tens of words all bloggers use to acquire fame and fortune, then insert visually stimulating self-portraits and hit publish. It's never been easier. And I am offering all of this proprietary info for free, out of the maternal generosity I have and desire to see all aspiring self-employed media moguls succeed. Preferably by the age of 23.

The FITYMITFIA Template Guide

Simply fill in the blanks and use this guide over and over, feel free to add in substantial contributions to your readers and commentary on current events, but don't make it a habit

Hey Voguettes!!! (<--- any made up term of endearment will do) 

What an insane in the membrane crazy busy week its been. Finally just unpacked the last box from our big move from Des Moines to the Big Apple. I promise to post pics of our new cozy 5 bedroom flat next week when CJ is out of town. Moving can be stressful right? That's why I was so stoked when DESIGNER NAME surprised me with an ITEM OF CLOTHING the other day. You would not believe how ADJECTIVE I was! It's the perfect little pick me up after dealing with such tough times. Don't you love it? I can see this pairing perfectly with my other ITEM OF CLOTHING from DESIGNER NAME and that sale ITEM OF CLOTHING I posted about here. Since I detest being a trend whore, I'm pleased that it ever so slightly picks up on the FASHION TREND while letting my true individual style shine through. I know commenters have mentioned they've seen this ITEM OF CLOTHING on other bloggers, but I've styled it up so extraordinarily, you barely recognize it! So if you've been through the ringer like me, definitely go take a peek at the ITEM OF CLOTHING because my life wasn't complete until it arrived. Now I can just be free to enjoy the rest of the SEASON and start planning that trip to Portugal I mentioned in this post.

Stylishly yours,

xoxo

I'm wearing: ITEM OF CLOTHING c/o. ITEM OF CLOTHING vintage J Crew. ITEM OF CLOTHING c/o. ACCESSORY c/o but similar one you'll love HERE.

Quick tips for pics: Always act as if you had no idea your boyfriend or tripod setup was directly infront of you at all times. Do you think Jackie O or Kim Kardashian expected they'd be photographed when out in public? Of course not. Being natural is the foundation for great style. 

So there you have it. A fully tested, scientifically proven method to becoming the next riches to riches story of the fashion world with sprinkles of humanitarianism (since helping women find their TRUE style through you is one measure of saving the environment from unwanted waste). Because honestly the entire concept of minimalist wardrobes, reducing consumption, shopping ethically, blowing lids on ignorance, or even these mid-year reviews, seasonal reviews, monthly reviews, quarter reviews of all our purchases...all just conjures up the image of being back in grade school, or that phase of working a real job in a real office with like, real HR managers and probationary warning systems. Plus, how can you do reviews for things you didn't exchange your own money to receive? That's hardly accurate. And everyone knows bloggers would rather be accurate and fair than do something just for the sake of doing it so they can blog about it.

disclaimer: yes this is a joke. but no I am not joking. all thoughts outlined are my own. no animals were hurt during the filming of my style session. please do not use the image I took from shopbob.com without crediting me first. this blog is protected by copyright.

For Those With Outfit Envy: