Thanks for stopping by! Here on BECOMING LOLA I share stories on becoming minimalist, as well as living a pure clean life as a style-obsessed digital nomad with a no BS approach to ethical fashion + travel. Grab a glass of wine and start here: Building A Minimalist Wardrobe.


i could never ever do this, could you?

It happens at sleepovers all over the country, one sugar-crazed girl party at a time (gay besties included). A not-so-innocent “best friend” holds up ten fingers and whines, “Never have I ever...” Yes, this was a sleepover rite of passage game more intoxicating than Truth or Dare that was meant for giggly girl talk and, let's not kid ourselves, a little bit of pride stroking as we went about informing our friends that we had, in fact, gotten to second base with our acne-covered lab partner. Who cares if it was on a bet, messy and in the dark? The guy like totally wore a size 12 shoe. Hello!

Hopefully, “never have I ever” gets phased out of our lives with our braces, sloppy first kisses and bad hair cuts (well we involuntarily suffer through bad hair cuts regardless, but that's another story). Unfortunately, child's play gives way to adult play which is all together more complex, more frustrating, and can be downright dirty. Trust me, there are a lot of men in New York who make your acne ridden lab partner look like a dream date. I digress. Point is my little chicken nugget, there is no such thing as a game-free life anymore. Reality TV, social media, fashion bloggers, consumerism, options options OPTIONS. And did you even realize you were being played? I was at my magazine job. I was in my bad relationship. I even got played by Forever 21 for years. Honestly, no one is to blame but me. Acceptance is how you win.

The games also become a lot more internal as we comparatively set ourselves up against Mr. and Mrs. “Have It All” who even seem to poop in sync as their children learn Spanish from educational videos while dressed in the latest Stella McCartney Kids collection at the age of four. And then, my friends, the “never have I ever” game transforms into a new game: “never could I ever”.

At this point, you are probably throwing your head back in laughter while saying, That just isn't me! I am totally happy with my life! At least, that was what I was doing several years ago as I reassured myself that I could never leave my cushy high profile publishing job. I had benefits! Health care is a bit unnecessary at times but like, a total awesome accessory to have. If only I could fulfill my boss' every wish and desire while being impeccably dressed in something new every single day and made sure to change my personality and dreams so that they better conformed to “targeted” standards... then I could be successful and really happy. Who would ever give that up. Millions do it all the time. It is what we call the "norm".

And so I told myself I could never leave my job.

Dolls, let's play a little game. Stop what you're doing right now and rattle off your nevers.

Never could I ever accessorize with anything other than a Starbucks cup and a Birkin.

Never could I ever live without an Internet connection in my house.

Never could I ever date someone who was not an investment banker. Or at least dressed like one. Or lived like one. Or had the same ball park salary. Basically never could I ever date an unemployed artist.

Never could I ever give up bottled water. Like #obvs.

Never could I ever opt to wash my designer jeans instead of dry cleaning them.

Never could I ever destroy my credit card to [enter favorite department store here].

Never could I ever wear brown with black.

Never could I ever become a vegetarian or vegan even though I know drinking milk from other boobs besides my moma's is like so unnecessary. Plus all that fat gets me closer to a Kim Kardashian ass.

Never could I ever live in Brooklyn. Or Minnesota. Or Savannah. Or anywhere Vogue isn't found at every gas station.

Never could I ever drink anything other than Pinot. I'm talking to you Ramona! #RHONY

Never could I ever start my own business. Or travel overseas solo versus with my investment banker ex boyfriend or current travel blogger best friend. Or freelance for a living.

Now I know I am not the only one who has ever muttered this smattering of first world problems to myself. The endless abyss of options we have in this country makes bottled water clearly seem more pedestrian than the thought of clean water altogether. I love Starbucks but let's not pretend that it is a necessary accessory for entering our offices because the $400 I save every year on homemade hot beverages feels just fine to me. Listen, I get it, saying these mantras over and over again in our overstuffed, overwhelmed brain makes us feel a little bit more justified in our insecurities. Well, that crazy-assed girl can get to the gym four times a week but I could never do that. So, I guess I will eat a batch of cookies on my couch instead while watching reruns of the prick from “The Bachelor.”

Sounds freaking productive.

In truth, I don't believe we can do it all but I do believe that we can do a lot more than we ever envisioned as possible. Inevitably, playing the “never could I ever” game limits our possibilities, our goals, and our achievements. There is always room for improvement and a reason to take a big chance on something that you might love- be it mochi ice cream, floral minis, or a total career change. At the heart, start living for experiences and put materials second. You don't need to become a minimalist or a reductionist forever, but your entire perspective shifts if you give it a try just for the sake of seeing what the hell could you ever do instead of what you're doing right now. And for this reason, I'll be phasing in a new interview feature on the blog where some kickass gals I know will be sharing unbelievable and enviable stories of how they called bullshit on their "nevers" and just did the damn thing already. So what is your damn thing? Check envy at the door and #justdoit

What chances are you missing because you play the “never could I ever” game?

image Lobster & Swan


  1. Interesting post. It's pretty clear to me that you're at the stage in your life when you've done all the prescribed must-dos to become "happy" and realized that a one-size-fits-all approach is completely bogus. It's fun to read your blog about you discovering what is going to make your life awesome in the way that is uniquely yours.

    1. Thanks so much Sarah! Yeah I do consider myself quite the explorer, adventurer or try-anything-once doer. Most times you have nothing to lose by seeing what could potentially make you happy, or happier ;)

  2. Beautiful pic and post :" Never could I ever accessorize with anything other than a Starbucks cup and a Birkin." made me laugh !

    1. Hahaha you laugh but I still battle that Birkin part!


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