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FOOD FOR THOUGHT: unrequited milk maids

There are indisputable clear signs of addiction. They say acknowledging you have a problem is the hardest part. I disagree miserably. It may b the first part, but its nary the hardest. "What about my chances for Diabetes...its not genetically implied for me, so I should be all good right?" I asked feverishly just this afternoon. A question so gnawing, yet still followed by, "just how much is too much....a gallon right?"

Yes, I have a problem. I am aware. Ashamed, on the other hand, that I am not. You see, my sugar dependency (the word addiction inserted here being way too controversial) has manifested itself into a rapidly growing ice cream binge, leaving my former Snickers-smuggling-self in the dust. How did this come to be? Wasn't it I who took the rolve of evolutionary savior just some years ago, storyboarding Youtube PSA's that would bring light to the travesty that is modern milk consumption? Oh yes, you have heard that we shouldn't drink milk right? That momma's boobs doubled our weight in less than two years back when we were infants, and we butcher this ingenious biological design by not only continuing to drink milk, but drinking milk from another mother's boobs. Yuck!

That was me. High on literary enlightenment (can someone say Skinny Bitch) and ready to show up my righteous method. But then this happened: Coldstone Creamery. That son of a bitch. In fact, if I recall, the craving for marble slab custom ordered ice cream came just as I was finishing up my never-to-be-seen faux documentary on unnecessary milk consumption. The ironic hypocrisy is not missed. How I did not connect milk with frozen dairy desserts is beyond me. Fast forward a few years and I'm practically jonesing for a hit. For the last week alone, I've savored a small bowl after dinner like clock work, everything from pad Thai inspired peanut butter to sea salted caramel to drunken roasted plum cheesecake and even goat cheese berry swirl ice cream. Oh yeah, believe it my friends. And not just any old ice cream. Homemade ice cream. I have taken my addiction from abuser to dealer. I'm so intimate with my addiction that I've taken measures to feed my consumption like a vertically integrated Fortune 500. So I ask again, how or when did I devolve into this shameless, monopolizing, wholly obsessed dairy phene?


What are you addicted to? Comment your sugar addicts anonymous stories below!

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